She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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