Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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