I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
