we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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