Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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