I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish you could order shots online.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
