The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
