Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
