I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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