I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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