we're blogging at a bar
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
