Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize