Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
