All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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