how can u be prego again
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
