Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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