I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
