who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
