I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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