How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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