I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
