boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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