Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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