I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
