I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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