it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
being pregnant is like rehab
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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