Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
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You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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