Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
