...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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