How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
