The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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