he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
