Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
