got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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