SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So many bounce houses so little time
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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