DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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