had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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