Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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