moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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