Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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