her vagine was all disorganized.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
