i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i think i just lost a toe
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
