one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
