I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
