I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
