So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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