She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
