I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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