...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
