Will you blow on my dice?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
