dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
