Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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