just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
