Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
