If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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