...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
