Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
