Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
