I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
