wrigley field is MILF paradise
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
