if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
