He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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