I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
