Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
