i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
