Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
