I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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