Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
