she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
