if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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