Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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