Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
