college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
