You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
