I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we should paint friendship bongs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
