i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
