Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
