My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
