i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
