Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Are we still banned from the library?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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