ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
