If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I'm really busy with my period
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